40 before 40

Introduction

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood

I turn forty this year which has made me more reflective than usual. I don’t think I’m going through a midlife crisis even though I’m sporting a mustache—which I hadn’t done before. I blame Ted Lasso and Top Gun: Maverick’s popularity for that. I saw this as an opportunity to be creative and write a series of essays to take advantage of all this reflection I’m doing. That’s why I have decided to write forty essays before I turn forty. I have eight months to do this. Will I be able to pull it off? We’ll see. I hope you stick around and read them. Maybe you’ll learn something or get a laugh out of it.

I know that every birthday that begins a decade is a milestone. However, I remember turning thirty more vividly than turning twenty, mainly because I was engaged to Diana when I turned thirty. However, I’m confident when I say that someone’s fortieth birthday is a bigger deal in the U.S. than it is in Mexico. Don’t ask me why, but it is. Thankfully, my wonderful wife has influenced me to stop being a grouch and start thinking about something special for my birthday. There are many options; we could go somewhere with snow, sandy beaches, big cities, or small towns.

I’ve been experiencing peer-induced nostalgia; I don’t know if this is a thing, but let me elaborate. I’m the youngest of all my college friends, so I have seen each of them reach their fortieth birthday, and with the birthday wishes come memories and pictures of when we were in our early twenties. We’re all reminiscing about how thin we were back then, how well-rested we looked, or how hairlines used to be lower. It’s weird because the lightest and more muscular I have been was between my late twenties and early thirties. Granted, I had a gastric sleeve surgery when I was twenty-six, but that’s one of the forty stories I’ll share with you all.

I get the impression that some of my friends miss their twenties and are struggling with their current state in life. I’m not saying it is a cakewalk for me, but I’d much rather figure out a married man’s problems than a single man’s. Being a father is one of the most challenging things I will ever do. However, I had to make tough calls in my twenties that paved the way for where I am now. I had a life-changing surgery, ran a half marathon, returned to the Church, and moved to a different country. All of this happened between my twenty-sixth and twenty-eighth birthday.

For my birthday one year, my baby sister gave me a copy of Haruki Murakami’s “What I talk about when I talk about running.” This is a memoir of the famous Japanese novelist and his transition from running a jazz bar to becoming a writer and marathon runner. I have been thinking about it a lot because I want to become a writer and be a healthier man, the marathon running part, not so much. Maybe this exercise will one day become a fully fleshed memoir; so far, you have front-row seats to the writing process. Feedback appreciated.

Another reason I want to write is that I need the head space. I process ideas by writing them down and trying to make sense of them in sentences and paragraphs. For example, I have many stories in my head, and writing them down helps me tell them better in person. Also, telling brief anecdotes has helped me be more confident while engaging in small talk. I’m not advocating scripting your interactions with others, but I know that most people like people who can tell a good story. And when my kids are older and can read, I’ll be able to embarrass them with the detailed narration of their antics. You know, like dads do.

Finally, even though I try my best to live in the here and now, sometimes, it’s good to look back and see how far you’ve made it. Padre Pio said it best: “My past, O Lord, to Your mercy; my present, to Your love; my future to Your providence.”

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Before you go

I have some questions for you.

1. Have you had a surprise birthday party? What lie did they use to lure you to the party?

2. Have you experienced a midlife crisis? Did you buy a car? Did you get a haircut?

3. What was the biggest decision you had to make in your twenties/thirties/forties?

4. What should I do for my fortieth birthday?

5. Will Walther write 40 essays before Christmas 2023?