Lean Into Discomfort

Chronicle of a Friday

Howdy! I’m Walther, this is Peregrino, and you’re about to read an essay inspired by recent events, a.k.a. yesterday. This doesn’t really fit into 40 Before 40, so I’m filing this one under Peregrino. Expect a couple more essays to be delivered this way while I catch up on 40B40.

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This week, I had more stress than average. Work has been a tad more demanding this week, alternate day fasting (ADF) was challenging, and then Diana had a migraine most of Friday. What follows is the chronicle of a Friday.

My day started at 4:30 a.m. when Mateo woke up. I put on a show for him so he would keep quiet and not wake up the others, and I made myself a cup of tea. The rest of the children woke up between 5:00 and 6:00. First breakfast was consumed, and around 6:45, Diana took over so I could go to physical therapy.

I got home a little after 8:00 to a sick wife. Diana had a migraine and needed to lie down for a bit. In my head, I would get home, shower, drink coffee, and start my work day. The kids were getting hungry for second breakfast, usually served at 9:00, and Diana was fast asleep, trying to recover.

I started working on second breakfast and had to stop what I was doing to break a couple of fights between the two older boys. After scolding them, I noticed only three of them in the room. "Where's Mateo?" If he’s absent and quiet, it usually means bad news.

I found him in a corner of his room, playing with his poop, a disgusting habit he has picked up lately. I groaned while carrying Mateo to the bathroom and started drawing a bath for him. Diana got up and took care of bathing him while I cleaned up.

I finished breakfast and called the other three to the table. While they ate, I took my poop-free baby from Diana, dressed him, and sat him down at the table. At this moment, Diana told me that she had a migraine that made her see white blotches and get nauseated. This was not good.

I let my boss know what was happening and that I needed to take at least the morning to care for the kids and Diana. Fortunately, my job is flexible, so I didn’t feel bad about missing work. If anything, solo parenting is way more complicated than my desk job. 

I felt like the son in Matthew 21:28, to whom the father said, “Son, go out and work in the vineyard today,” the son said, “I will not,” but then changed his mind and went. I’m not used to being with all four kids alone for extended periods, which I knew would require me to leave my comfort zone and lean into discomfort.

I decided to jump into the deep end and make the best of the situation. My first order of business was to reset ourselves and go for a walk around the block. It was too hot outside, but we made it back home. I was fasting and wanted a bucket of iced coffee, so I loaded everyone in the van and headed to the coffee shop drive-thru. We got coffee, three apple juices, and a lemonade. But that only took fifteen minutes. I knew I had to take them out of the house longer if I wanted Diana to recover.

We have a membership to this indoor play place close to home, but I didn’t have any diapers, wipes, or the grippy socks required for all patrons. So we swung back home, and I grabbed all these items and zipped over to the play place.

When I took Mateo out of his seat, I noticed a familiar smell from earlier that day, but he hadn’t been playing with his feces this time. I changed his diaper in the car, and while I was doing this, Emilio told me he needed to use the bathroom, another code brown. I changed the baby’s diaper as fast as possible, grabbed all of our things, ran to the entrance, got our bracelets in a haze, and left Oliver in charge of the two little ones while Emilio and I flew to the bathroom. Crisis averted.

I usually hang out on the couches when I’ve taken the kids before, but because Mateo is notorious for getting stuck in the climbing structures, I decided to buy myself a pair of adult grippy socks and play with my kids. This decision turned out to pay great dividends. The place wasn’t super crowded, and the employees didn’t care that a three-hundred-pound man was climbing alongside their children, which allowed for a good two hours of playtime until everyone was sweaty and hungry.

I bribed them out of the play place with the promise of Chick-fil-A. It was past Mateo’s nap time, and I was gambling. I knew the possibility of him falling asleep the minute I started the van was high. He fell asleep almost immediately. Still, I needed to make good on my word, so we headed to the drive-thru. We hit the lunch rush, so we had to wait a while to order and get our food.

I tried to lay Mateo down for a nap once we got home, but he wasn’t having it. I gave up, got him out of his crib, fixed a plate, and sat him in the living room to watch a movie with the other three. Fed and entertained, I saw my chance to shower, take a small break, and check on Diana. She was up for a bit but returned to bed since she still wasn’t at one hundred percent.

Once the movie ended, Diana was up and feeling better than that morning, for which I was thankful. “Do you need to get out for a bit?” she asked. “Yeah, if that’s cool with you.” She told me she was feeling way better and could handle it. I took myself to Total Wine and got some mixers for a punch we’re bringing to a get-together tomorrow with our friends.

Before bedtime, Oliver approached me and said, “Thank you for playing with us today.” That was the best reward I could ask for. I didn’t break my fast, even though I wanted to eat my feelings, and Diana was feeling better, which was the cherry on top.

Beautiful things can happen when we lean into discomfort and step out of our comfort zone. Some say that growth lives outside the comfort zone, which is true. Having the proper disposition is essential. I could’ve let myself wallow in my “misfortune” and be bitter about everything or take stock of what I could control and take action. It’s all about choices.

I hope the next my father asks me to go out and work in the vineyard, my response may be a joyful yes.

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Before you go

I have some questions for you

1. Do you make yourself uncomfortable on purpose?

2. How do you handle the curve balls life throws at you?

3. For dads: Do you struggle when you care for your children by yourself?

4. For dads: How thankful are you for your wife?

5. How many ounces should a “bucket of coffee” have?