Marital Love Reflects God's Love for His People
Ephesians and Theology of the Body
I wrote the paper below for my Theology of the Body course at the Kino Catechetical Institute. This class has been one of my favorites in the Adult Fatih Formation program. St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians has been popping up a lot in my life lately, so it made sense to write about it.
On July 28th, 1982, Pope John Paul II (JPII) held the 87th General Audience on Theology of the Body. In this audience, he began analyzing St. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, specifically its fifth chapter. I have recently studied this letter and felt called to expand on it after learning what JPII had to say about it. As a married man who is trying to live out his vocation in an authentic way, it makes sense to consider this piece of scripture thoroughly.
I hope to analyze the text's human dimension (marriage and family life) and divine dimension (the Church at large) to understand better how the sacrament of marriage, the spousal meaning of the body, and the universal call to holiness all work together.
Human
The fifth chapter of Ephesians could cause trouble if misunderstood. So, how can we understand what St. Paul is telling the Church in Ephesus and apply it to our present time? In Ephesians 5:21, we read: Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. I believe the primary source of heartache is the verb used in the English translation: to subject. I want to contrast subject with the verb used in the Spanish translation of the Bible: sujetar, which is closer to fasten or hold in English. St. Paul uses Jesus’ headship throughout his letter, so we’re called to hold on to one another out of reverence for Christ. This command is a call to unity that echoes the words of Jesus to the Father in the garden of Gethsemane (John 17:23): that they may become perfectly one.
St. Paul continues in 5:22-24: wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. On one level, this is an appeal for women whose vocation is marriage to hold on to their husbands, as to Christ. The love for our spouses should spring from our love for God, who has given us our spouses. On another level, as part of the Church or his bride, we recognize Christ as our savior and the need to stay close to him; just like the body is attached to the head, they are one.
On the other hand, 5:25 addresses husbands: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Here, we see that husbands are called to a higher standard, so much so that we are called to imitate Christ and give ourselves up for the sanctification of our bride. The way St. Paul instructs us to love follows the definition of the spousal meaning of the body outlined by JPII in the Theology of the Body: The human body's ability to express love and give oneself as a gift to others.
In 5:28-31, St. Paul says: Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” St. Paul quotes Genesis 2:24, the verse right after Adam sees Eve, and exclaims: This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Husbands ought to cherish their wives as Christ cherishes us, his Church. Here, we see that even though the temptation to interpret the husband’s headship as tyrannical is the opposite since husbands are called to love their wives as their own bodies. It reinforces the call for unity in spouses and the Church.
Natural Family Planning (NFP) is an essential tool couples can use to live the spousal meaning of the body in their marriage. If the spouses want to give themselves as a gift in a total, free, faithful, and fruitful way, NFP is their best option. Whether the couple wants to achieve or delay pregnancy, exercising the virtue of prudence, they can do so without anything that may impede giving themselves entirely to each other. The need for periods of abstinence helps the couple grow in virtue, especially men. It fosters communication regarding whether the couple is willing and ready to bring another life. It is a heroic way to live the Church’s teaching on sexuality by achieving self-mastery and having the love of Christ be the center of their lives.
Finally, St. Paul says: This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the church; however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. We participate in this great mystery by building up Domestic Churches and working for the Kingdom of God on earth.
Divine
God’s reckless love for us is so immense that he humbles himself and comes to us hidden under the appearance of bread and wine so that we may not fear approaching him. The Most Holy Eucharist contains Jesus’s body, blood, soul, and divinity, and we can receive him (if we’re in the state of grace) as frequently as we desire. When we consume the host, we receive him entirely. He perfectly gives himself to us. He wants to be united with us, in body and spirit.
This exchange is very uneven since, at least personally, I know that I can’t always give myself entirely to him, but I’m working on it. I don’t let this deter me from approaching the sacrament and receiving the graces he has prepared for me. Similarly, when we spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, we can be in the presence of the same Jesus who worked many miracles two thousand years ago.
The Most Holy Eucharist is also where we find communion and become one. Understanding this reality has helped me better understand why the Church uses the image of Christ as the bridegroom. As a man, imagining myself as a bride isn't easy. Where my limited intellect ends, my human experience starts helping me peer through this mystery. As stated in the previous section, the love between spouses is akin to God’s relationship to us. I know what it is like to be a husband and have the desire to be a gift to my wife and children. Therefore, I can comprehend how God wants to love me.
My wife’s receptivity has helped me better accept God’s love as a man. In my masculinity, I can receive God’s love. Inside our Domestic Church, the love of my children is one of the purest forms I’ve experienced. Knowing that someone loves you just because you exist is heaven on earth. We were created in his image and likeness, male and female, made for communion just like the Most Holy Trinity, a communion of persons. What better example than the love between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit?
A proper disposition to be a recipient of God’s grace and an increase in the virtue of charity are imperative. The more we allow his grace to fill our cup, the more his love can overflow into all areas of our lives.
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Before you go
What can we do to work towards unity?
Have you reflected on the Church being a bride?
What’s something you can do to grow in charity?
This is a wonderful essay and a very helpful one. Thinking of “being subject to” as “be one with” puts a different slant on these readings from St. Paul. I have scant knowledge of Koine Greek, but it seems that a study of the word translated into English as “subject” would be very helpful.
1. Stop othering people.
2. Yes, and this post gives much food for thought and reflection.
3. See #1. It’s become a reflex action that I need to root out.