Hello friends! This is Peregrino, a newsletter about the journey. You’re about to read the final essay of “40 Before 40,” a memoir that I finally completed. The previous 39 essays in this series can be found here.
Never in my life have I considered a word so intently until now. If you had told me twenty years ago that I would be this obsessed with one word, I wouldn’t believe you. But here we are, about to talk about one word and what I have learned since my brain and soul wouldn’t leave me alone until I came up with a satisfactory answer. I think I have one, so let me share it with you, and then you can decide whether you agree with my conclusions.
The word in question is joy. Why joy? Because it has popped up in my prayer life for a while now, to the point that I couldn’t ignore it. Joy in Spanish is gozo, which I have always considered an archaic word. If you see it written down, it’s mostly in scripture, and if people use it in their vocabulary, they mostly use the slang gozadera, which means a loud party. So, I think a good place to start would be to figure out what joy is not.
What joy is not
Joy is not pleasure, a feeling of happiness and enjoyment. Pleasure has a beginning and end and can only be sustained by the thing or activity that provides that feeling. I experience pleasure when I eat a chocolate chip cookie. I eat them quite fast, so I eat many of them in rapid succession to make the pleasure last longer. I could try eating chocolate chip cookies until I’m in bliss, but I know the enjoyment is fleeting. I will have to deal with the sugar crash and my pants feeling tighter around my waist. So pleasure is not joy.
Joy is not happiness since happiness lives in the mind and feelings. I can feel happy about my weekend plans around Friday at 4:00 p.m., but come Sunday evening, it’ll be over. I can also experience Schadenfreude and feel happiness for the misfortune of others. This last instance isn’t the most virtuous, but that’s a different topic altogether.
From pleasure and happiness, we deduce that joy doesn’t come from our bodies, minds, or feelings; it isn’t fleeting or finite. I’m not saying that pleasure and the pursuit of happiness are wrong; they have their place in the human experience, but exploring this is not the objective of this piece. Let’s move on to define joy.
What joy is
G.K. Chesterton said that joy is something like common sense. It is normal, and it is hard to define exactly. C.S. Lewis noted that joy will be the serious business of heaven. Fr. Alfred Delp said that man should take joy as seriously as he takes himself. As you can tell, joy is a serious thing.
The philosophers say joy is satisfaction and emotional uplift that one experiences in response to the goods one has at one’s disposal. This proposition presumes that we can only attain joy if one has goods at one's disposal. Still, we know people like Fr. Delp and St. Maximilian Kolbe, who were victims of Nazy Germany, could experience joy even in those extreme situations.
Luckily for us, Dr. Peter Kreeft says that joy is found deep in the heart, the spirit, the center of the person. If joy is associated with the soul, then we could infer that our intellect and free will play a role in this. Remember how I said I had only seen joy referenced in scripture? John 15:9-11 started to make more sense.
“As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”
There is joy in the very act of self-surrender to God. If I take Jesus’ words seriously, keeping the commandments is the key to joy. I had some idea of this, but it seemed paradoxical; to experience joy, I should submit my will to God’s will. The more perfectly I surrender, the freer I can be. In question 28 of the summa, St. Thomas Aquinas notes that joy is complete when there remains nothing to be desired.
Everything and everyone in the world will disappoint us at some point. Nothing will satisfy but Him who created us to live in unity with Him in heaven. Any trials and sorrows that may come our way on this side of the veil are interludes, where we let sorrow have its place in time and then move on trusting the Lord.
Why does it matter?
Sheldon Vanauken, a friend of C.S. Lewis, once said that the best argument for Christianity is Christians: their joy, their certainty, their completeness. But the strongest argument against Christianity is also Christians —when they are somber and joyless, when they are self-righteous and smug in complacent consecration, when they are narrow and repressive, then Christianity dies a thousand deaths.
This made me wonder if I was contributing to Christianity dying a thousand deaths–starting with my wife and children and moving outwards into the world. What fruit am I bearing? Do I allow Christ to shine through me when I interact with others? How am I hindering the building of the kingdom by being angry all the time?
I’ve been doing a few things to increase joy in my life. Frequently receiving the sacraments of reconciliation and holy communion has helped me obtain the grace I need to endure whatever comes my way. Bearing annoyances and being more patient with those around me is more manageable. It's easier to be in a better disposition to sacrifice for the sake of my wife and children.
Oddly enough, fasting has helped me grow in patience. Since I’m able to experience stress that I can control, it's easier for me to face stressors I can't control, mainly because of muscle memory. I’ve been getting better at telling my wife when I need time to miss the kids, get a cup of coffee or something, and then return to it refreshed. Usually, this is when I get some writing done.
Letting joy surprise me seems to be the most rewarding if it’s unexpected. Sometimes, it manifests itself in a burst of laughter caused by one of my kids, a perfectly timed hug, and an I love you, an impromptu dance party, spending time with friends, conversations with my wife as I’m falling asleep, a moment of contemplation while smoking my pipe.
Some of these things are rather small, mundane, and simple. To some, they would be insignificant, but to me, they are the world. I’m trying to find the extraordinary in the ordinary.
Now that I’m forty, I’ve had time to settle into my mission as husband and father, and some of it has been challenging, as anything worth doing will be. It’s been hard to see the end when you’re in the thick of it, but with Diana’s help and God’s grace, I’ve started to walk in the right direction. I know that this won’t mean the elimination of grief, obstacles, or trials, but a deep assurance that if I only desire to do God’s will, everything else will fall into place.
If God allows me to live forty more years, I want to spend that time pursuing joy.
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Before you go
Thank you so much for reading. I hope I didn’t disappoint in excess. God bless you all!
When have you been the most joyful?
What helps you find joy in life?
Will you join me in pursuing joy?
Beautiful my friend. What an achievement. Thanks for bringing this Joy to substack. 🙏
Great piece! I spent way too many years seeking pleasure and not joy. Joy is deep, it can surprise you by overwhelming you in a moment or last for days. You are right - surrender to God's will is the key to it.