Smorgasbord #56
Roommates | Spark | Minister of Loneliness
Roommates
The two years before I got married were the only times I’ve had roommates. When I first moved to Phoenix, I lived in a one-bedroom apartment, and after a year, I had had enough of coming home to silence—which is odd because nowadays, I treasure moments of silence.
My first roommate, AJ, is getting married tomorrow, and he asked me to be in the wedding, which is a great honor. I helped organize his bachelor party last Saturday at a brewery in North Phoenix, and that was a lot of fun. On Wednesday, Diana and I went to the rehearsal dinner and had a chance to visit with the rest of the wedding party and the bride and groom’s family. It was a wonderful time.
Talking to the bride-to-be’s brother-in-law, it came up that AJ and I used to be roommates, and he asked me if AJ getting married was like losing him all over again. I don’t think I understood the question entirely because I told him that we had continued to be friends, and I didn’t experience feelings of loss—quite the opposite, actually. After all, I have my forever roommate now, and life is good.
However, on the lovebirds’ website, where they have the details of their wedding, there is a section where they list the wedding party and a short sentence describing each member of the wedding party. Mine reads, “Friend and former roommate to the groom. Kept the hope alive that a marriage could happen!”
Diana and I have a reputation for meddling in caring about our friends’ love lives and trying to set them up, but unfortunately, we can’t claim to have found AJ a wife. We did pray for it, though, and we’re overjoyed to be part of the celebration. What I’m trying to say is, for all of you single people out there who want to find love, don’t lose hope.
Spark
Monday, November 4th, was the feast of St. Charles Borromeo, archbishop of Milan and key figure of the Council of Trent. The Office of Readings had an excerpt from a sermon given during the last synod he attended, and this quote caught my attention.
Would you like me to teach you how to grow from virtue to virtue and how, if you are already recollected at prayer, you can be even more attentive next time, and so give God more pleasing worship? Listen, and I will tell you. If a tiny spark of God’s love already burns within you, do not expose it to the wind, for it may get blown out. Keep the stove tightly shut so that it will not lose its heat and grow cold. In other words, avoid distractions as well as you can. Stay quiet with God. Do not spend your time in useless chatter.
These words spoke to me as a call to choose hope over despair. I imagine the love of God like a toasty warm fireplace in the middle of winter: comforting, able to touch every fiber of your being and help you be at ease even though storms may rage outside. The stove might as well be our hearts. We ought to trap that spark and keep it burning in us. How? by avoiding distractions. Hopefully, we all know what keeps us from going deep in our prayer life. It’s a matter of taking action and doing that which we have been procrastinating. I’m telling this to myself as much as to anyone who reads this.
The useless chatter line cut me deep because I tend to monopolize the conversation whenever I’m in His presence during my holy hour. It’s difficult to let my thoughts go and not dwell in them, which is different from mental prayer, I think. I have an active mind, and it takes me a while to be recollected and have the proper disposition to listen. Epictetus said that we have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak, and my ears are more prominent than average, so I should put them to work.
Minister of Loneliness
I didn’t know that in 2021, Japan appointed a minister of loneliness to combat an increased rate of social isolation and suicide. There seems to be a worldwide trend of loneliness and isolation affecting people. We live online, use social media too much, and don’t spend enough time in the real world interacting face-to-face with our friends and community. We already know the problem, but what’s the solution? Do we need a government official in charge of it?
I don’t mean to criticize Japan’s prime minister’s decisions, but I think everyone can do something to combat this epidemic of loneliness. Diana and I have emphasized building community and reaching out to our friends. We’ve opened our home for families to hang out, drink, and share food while the kids play. We’ve invited people for dinner, happy hour, or one-on-one chats. I organize drinks and cigar nights to provide fellowship opportunities for the men in our parish. It’s not going to happen on its own; it will require work, and it might even require you to be the one to make the first move.
When I first moved to the US, I didn’t know a soul in Phoenix. A couple of families opened their doors to me, and it meant the world to spend time with them. You never know who may be struggling, especially men, because I think we keep to ourselves and don’t want to be perceived as weak because we’re struggling.
The holidays are coming, and it might be hard for some to get through them alone. Reach out to family and friends and minister to them. I guarantee they will appreciate it.
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Sobremesa
What’s the most challenging thing about sharing a space with someone?
What has helped you grow in your prayer life this year?
Who is someone who could benefit from you giving them a phone call?
1. I find the constant noise a challenge. Unfortunately it seems more and more difficult to find silence in our world.
2. Letting go of control and recognition of the necessity to test the spirits. Satan can inspire good things for evil ends.
3. I need, not to call, but to visit my godmother. Because of hearing loss she can’t talk on the phone. She (like my mom) is 93 and time is growing short.