Smorgasbord #65
There Will Be Dragons | Happily Exhausted | Theological Virtues
There Will Be Dragons
A letter to my sons.
Boys, this week, you encountered your first dragon (in a video game). You banded together as brothers and got the job done. You encouraged each other and tried and tried until you defeated it. One day, I’ll show you this letter and remind you of specific things you can learn from this experience.
As your video game taught you, there’s a recompense for the effort associated with slaying the dragon. In this case, you wanted to finish the level and move on to the next one. You’ll find that in life, more often than not, there will be dragons guarding what you long for the most.
For example, I wanted to marry your mother (treasure), and so I needed to become a man worthy of being married to (dragon). I want to be a healthy dad (treasure), so I must eat right and exercise (dragon). You want to do good in school (treasure), so you do your work gladly (dragon).
We have talked about doing hard things together, like when we almost froze while camping. This has been our family's unofficial motto, and we regularly mention it. I will frame this motto differently with the help of G.K. Chesterton, who once said, “An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.”
Inconveniences abound in life; that’s just the way it is. The sooner we can all get comfortable with being uncomfortable, the better. However, if we follow Chesterton’s advice, life can be full of adventure. Doesn’t that sound amazing? For now, we’ll have adventures together, but eventually, I’d love for you to go on your own quests equipped with the skills you learned during ours.
Don’t live boring lives; aim for the most entertaining life possible. One worth making a movie out of. If your old man had not responded to the call of adventure, you probably wouldn’t be here. I moved to a different country, almost 1,200 miles from my hometown, to find your mother. It pays off to be adventurous.
Live heroic lives. Be bold and brave. Reject timidity and cowardness. Grab your sword firmly and charge at the dragon. I don’t know what you’ll do when you grow older, but I can’t wait to see it. A word of caution: success is not guaranteed. Sometimes, the dragon wins. Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want, and that’s also valuable.
It’s dangerous to go alone; surround yourselves with other dragon slayers. The friendships and alliances you make will impact your quests, so choose wisely who you hang out with. Build people up. Help others without expecting something in return. Remember to love people and use things, not the other way around.
Remember that your father is a flawed man and will fail you at some point; please don’t be too hard on him. Your heavenly father won’t fail you; you can count on that, cling to Him every day, and your adventures will make way more sense. A great man once said: Life with Christ is a great adventure. Now go; adventure awaits!
Happily Exhausted
Most days, I go to bed tired, but lately, I’ve gone to bed exhausted and happy. A couple of weeks ago, I started logging my habits and blocking distractions, and I have to say, the results have been very positive. I’ve been more present to Diana and the kids, and our prayer life as a family, as a couple, and individually has improved. I’m more productive at work. I’ve been getting my workout in. I’m doing more of what I want to do.
There’s a difference between going to bed tired and not knowing what you have accomplished and knowing. This may be a male-brain thing. We set objectives and go after them. When the objective is achieved, we have proof; we feel accomplished and move on to the next objective. Rinse and repeat. Women, please correct me if I’m wrong.
A while back, I proposed to Diana that we turn a wall in our bedroom into a Kanban board. The board would have three columns: To Do, In Progress, and Done. We would have post-it notes with different projects we needed to achieve and move them across the board as we worked on them. She didn’t take me up on it, but I still think there’s some value to visualizing things like that.
Having something that gives me feedback on what I’m supposed to be doing and a reminder that I haven’t done, it seems to be a good motivation. Nobody is auditing my tracker. I could cross something I didn’t do and pretend I have a perfect record, but deep down, I would know I’m a phony. And I would probably not be able to live with myself if I couldn’t be honest with myself. That guy sounds like a jerk and a pathological liar. The point is that I have to be honest with myself and show mercy to myself when I miss the mark. And I have missed the mark a few times.
Back to the tired feeling. Being a father of four, working from home, and homeschooling is sufficient to drain your energy during your waking hours. I would only take magnesium to achieve a deeper sleep and rest more. Diana and I half-jokingly say that we’re always tired. Sometimes, my brain is fried after a day of meetings or dealing with spaghetti code. Other times, I’m emotionally drained because one or multiple kids are sick, or I have sensory overload because my kids aren’t capable of whispering. My sources get depleted.
I may regret saying this, but I think the difference I’ve noticed in these past couple of weeks is that I have a sense of control over what’s happening with my routine. I’ve balanced that with prayer, specifically with abandonment, knowing that outside of Him, I can do nothing. Yes, it’s nice to experience a sense of accomplishment, but also practice surrendering to His will. I don’t want to get cocky and think this is all happening because of something I did on my own.
At the end of the day, this combination of habits and behaviors is still leaving me tired. However, I don’t feel like I’m spinning my wheels uselessly, and that’s a big deal for me. There’s a feeling of progress. I’m moving in the right direction, and that feels good. Yes, I’m tired, but it’s not for nothing. I can go to bed with a smile and give thanks for the day, and hope I can get up tomorrow and do it all over again.
Theological Virtues
At the beginning of Hebrews, chapter six, Paul talks about repentance from dead works and faith in God. He uses the image of ground that absorbs rain and produces crops for those that cultivate it. Then, the daily reading for Tuesday was Hebrews 6:10-20. Three ideas caught my attention from verses 10 to 12.
God is just and sees our work and love when we serve others.
Paul wants us to be eager for the fulfillment of hope until the end.
Faith and patience will energize us.
I know God sees everything we do, but occasionally, it’s nice to get a reminder. Tiny works of love are happening in the family every day. They are mundane things like making the bed, washing clothes and dishes, taking out the trash, putting gas in the car; if they are done out of love for those under my care, He sees that. He sees every diaper change, book read, and prayer before bed. Smiling at a stranger that crosses your path, acknowledging they’re another person made in the image and likeness of God. In other words, the theological virtue of charity.
Hope, another theological virtue, comes into play. What does it mean to be eager for the fulfillment of hope? It means accepting trials and suffering, knowing that God has allowed these things to happen as part of our salvation plan. If I say that God has my best interest in mind, then His will is what’s best for me. And if He allows trials and obstacles, then these are opportunities for me to abandon myself to His divine providence, trust, and cling to Him every step of the way. This is easier said than done. It’s hard to think past what’s hurting right now when you're in the thick of it, but if we look back and revisit what we thought was impossible to go through, we see His hand guiding us where He wants us to go. Our job here is simple: get out of the way and give Him space to act.
This leads us to faith, the last theological virtue addressed in these verses. St. Paul ties it to patience, something I struggle with. I hadn’t associated faith and patience with something that energizes me, but it made sense as soon as I read this. Whenever I’ve been impatient and done my will, I’ve had mixed results. However, trusting in God’s timing can be freeing and rewarding. It’s a strange paradox: the more you submit to God’s will, the freer you feel. It doesn’t help that we live in a time where our little handheld computers can get us almost anything we want with a few taps. In a world of over-abundant pleasure, we must limit ourselves and relearn patience.
St. Paul defines faith as the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Trust plays a significant role in this. Do I trust God? To what extent? It is easy to trust when everything is going well. But what about when the going gets tough? We may falter as the storm hits. The good news is that trust is a skill we can improve. We may not see the grand plan, but we can trust that whatever we go through is part of the process.
The next time you pray the rosary, zero in on the three Hail Marys we pray for an increase of these virtues, the foundation of the Christian life.
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Sobremesa
What’s a dragon you want to slay?
What makes you happily exhausted?
Which theological virtue is easier for you to practice?
1. Fearful thoughts.
2. Doing something for someone else.
3. Charity.