Smorgasbord #68
Dealing with Desolation | Revered and Feared | English and Spanish
Dealing with Desolation
On Monday, I did two things: I got on the scale and finished preparing my tax return. I wasn’t happy with the numbers in either of those. I gained weight and owe taxes—not a good combination. I was expecting the opposite in both. Naturally, I did the sensible thing and wallowed in my misery, fatalistically thinking about how I would never achieve my goal weight and how much longer it would take to get out of debt. I wasn’t fun to be around that morning. Luckily, my wife can gently speak the truth to me and help me get off the ledge.
Last week, I talked about obstacles and looked at what happened. (I should write about getting ten million dollars this week.) I thought of St. Ignatius of Loyola’s second rule, which states that for those growing closer to God, the evil spirit bites, saddens, places obstacles, and disquiets the soul with false reasons, so that the person may not go forward. It was an aha moment.
This, too, shall pass; it’s not the end of the world. I continued to work out and watched my carbohydrate intake the rest of the week, and now I’m in a better place. And the taxes, well, in the words of Benjamin Franklin: In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
I try to keep a positive attitude most of the time. However, I felt like two failures back to back on Monday morning was an obstacle that I wouldn’t be able to recover from. That was the lie presented to me, and I believed it for a bit. But thanks to Diana, I focused on what I have accomplished so far; I feel stronger, my clothes fit better, and my knees don’t hurt as much. I’ve come a long way since I started this journey. I just need to pay more attention to what I’m eating.
We might take longer to pay off debt, but thankfully, owing taxes wasn’t a huge setback. It’s still a setback, but not as big as I made it out to be. With some discipline in our budget, we will be back on track soon. God is good, and He will provide. My anxiety came from trusting only in my own power instead of God’s.
If you are climbing a steep hill this week, don’t do what I did; persevere. And if you end up doing what I did, well, welcome to the club; we have room for one more. As St. Ignatius says, let’s be hopeful in desolation and humble in consolation. Let’s not waste this opportunity to grow in trust and abandonment to Divine Providence. Jesus, I trust in you.
Revered and Feared
On Tuesday, my oldest son turned nine. I took the day off and got up bright and early to make him the breakfast he requested: pancakes and bacon. Diana went to the chapel for her holy hour, and he opened presents once she returned. In the meantime, I bought tickets for the whole family to watch Dog Man as part of the festivities.
Diana gave the two older boys the option to skip school and split the work from Tuesday between Wednesday and Friday or do school as usual. They decided to do school, and while they did that, I played with the two younger ones in their room. My daughter is five and a half years old, and my youngest boy is almost four. They’re at an enjoyable but challenging age.
I know they will never be this age again, so I’m trying to remember to squeeze in as much play time with them as possible, especially with my baby boy. He loves to rough house and be thrown around. He’s very naughty and resourceful; he can entertain himself for hours, but I know he enjoys every minute of Dad being silly.
The movie was okay, although several things in the Dog Man universe were odd. There’s an anthropomorphic cat and an evil fish that can talk, but Dog Man, who has a human body and a dog's head, can’t. A few gags in the movie caught me by surprise, and I belly-laughed hard. Still, I’d say that we could’ve totally waited until this movie was available for streaming and watched it this way. But the experience of going to the movies and getting popcorn and candy is turning into a family tradition, and I love that.
The birthday boy wanted to go to Peter Piper Pizza (PPP) for lunch to play arcade games and eat some pies and garlic bread with marinara sauce. PPP has surprisingly decent pizza, a smaller and more manageable arcade area (compared to Dave & Buster’s), and the option to buy time instead of credits. Diana and I went back and forth, swiping the card repeatedly at the games our children wanted to play for ninety minutes. We got a lot of steps in.
The lights and sounds of the arcade caused me sensory overload, so I went to the garage to work out, showered, and got everyone ready for bed. We’re trying to pray as a family before everyone goes to their respective rooms. I usually sit with the little ones and pray the rosary, but lately, I’ve switched it to evening prayer. My daughter likes that there is singing involved in it.
By the end of the day, Diana and I were happily exhausted. Diana looked at me and said, "How does it feel to be revered and feared by our children?" I knew what she meant. I can be the enforcer and be stern while disciplining them, but I try to balance that with a softer, more playful side that the kids enjoy. I got that from my dad, whom I feared and revered as a kid. I don’t know if it’s the best combination for everyone, but it works for me.
English and Spanish
This week, I read Psalm 29:7 and thought it was epic. The New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition Bible translates the verse as: "The voice of the Lord flashes forth flames of fire." I immediately thought of how the voice of God creates. God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. The flames of fire made me think of the Holy Spirit, Pentecost, etc.
I got a study Bible in Spanish a while ago, and it was gathering dust, so I decided to compare and contrast verses. The Biblia de Jerusalén translates the verse as: “La voz de Yavhé afila llamaradas.” This translation uses Yawhe instead of Lord, and instead of flashing, the voice of Yawhe sharpens flames as if He were fashioning flaming arrows.
For the last decade, I’ve read, prayed, and worshiped in English. For some reason, English feels “safer” than doing the same things in Spanish. It hits different, as the youths would say. The word of God has more weight to it in my native tongue. It feels a bit more daunting.
Think about it this way: in English, it is very easy to say, “I love this song” or “I love pizza.” I’m guilty of using love when I should use the word like. I don’t want the best for the song or the pizza. In Spanish, we have querer and amar, the equivalents of like and love. I only use amar when talking to Diana and treat that word almost solemnly. I use “te quiero” or “te quiero mucho” with my parents and sisters but never “te amo.”
I’ve been trying to write about faith in Spanish, and it has been more challenging than I thought it would be. I’m sure it’ll come back to me with a bit of practice, but I feel rusty. I feel called to read, pray, and write more in Spanish, so I started another publication, Desterrado (Exiled), for anyone who would like to check it out.
It’s funny to think how different my relationship with God may become if I try to build my interior life in a language that affects me way more profoundly than my second language. It is a challenge that I’m looking forward to, but at the same time, I have my reservations.
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Sobremesa
Have you been to a Spiritual Exercises retreat?
What’s your favorite arcade game?
How many languages do you speak?
One of my biggest fears is that one day i would use “dad voice” and no one would listen. I dont know what the secret is, but i guess i dont have to worry about it until the time comes. Revered and feared is a good combination, at least compared to being neither. Maybe the edges can be smoothed out but anyway especially when teaching young kids, nuance can introduce more confusion than clarity. Start black and white—let grey be learned with age.
I would encourage you to most definitely write Catholic materials in Spanish, or to have Spanish and English versions of what you write. I live in a small community (after growing up and living in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex, Abilene of 129,000 is small be comparison). It is a very blended group of English and Spanish speaking people, and I’ve many friends both at the Perpetual Adoration Chapel (such a blessing for such a small town, but the Catholic community is vibrant with five churches) and at my parish church.
But more especially at the Chapel, I have made the acquaintance of people who are bilingual, but who feel more secure reading in Spanish. I go looking for Spanish resources for them, ideally the classics of Catholicism, as well as nearer books that have made their impact upon me. It’s a desert out there, just like the photo that accompanies your smorgasbord today.
(I also find it very frustrating, a bias of a different sort, that Spanish materials are only presented in Spanish. Hello?! It is possible that a non-Spanish reading friends could be looking for a Spanish book or resource for another friend. Don’t make me go to Google translate to figure out what I’m looking at! I’ve written to some publishers and online stores that do that, and I need to take this issue up again.)
I would be thrilled to discover whatever you might write in a publishers online compendium of books for sale, because I have several friends who would really appreciate receiving that. And good for you challenging your brain to actually write in Spanish, instead of writing in English and translating it. I must do that for my articles that have been accepted for publication by the Diocesan newspaper, and fortunately I have several people who will help me in this area.
¡Escribe, amigo mío, escribe para llevar almas al Señor!
Write, my friend, write to bring souls to the Lord!