Smorgasbord #75

Unlimited Refills | Acts of Charity | Written in the Dirt

Apr 04, 2025

Unlimited Refills

Unlimited soda refills were among the best things that ever happened to me as a teenager. However, they also caused a bunch of problems in the long run because they made me addicted to sugar, but that’s for another story. Still, we can extrapolate the notion of filling your cup to the spiritual realm. Let me elaborate.

You can’t give what you don’t have. One of my teachers at Kino gave me a good visual of Agape, or self-giving love: Imagine that your service to others is like pouring drinks out of a pitcher. Eventually, you will run out, and the pitcher will become empty. What do you do then? How do we get unlimited refills so we can pour ourselves into others?

For me, prayer and the sacraments are the main things I do to fill my cup. If I can receive His grace and mercy, I can pour that out onto my family and friends. If your cup is running low, talk to Him, run to the sacraments.

Mrs. Cantú is good at giving me the gift of solitude. Most weekends, I leave the house, go to my favorite coffee shop, and write for a few hours. Having this time by myself fills my cup. I jokingly say that it gives me a chance to miss my family. I come back refreshed and ready to roll.

Family time can be a time to pour myself out to them, but enjoying my family can bring much joy. Sometimes, we have movie nights, or we go to a museum, or we go on a hike, or we go to get ice cream. Now and then, I take one or two of my children to run errands, and they seem to treasure that one-on-one time. Most times they surprise me with their commentary on life, and (thank God) they all have a good sense of humor, so we have fun, even if we’re just returning something at Whole Foods.

I’ve been painting with watercolors recently, and I didn’t expect this activity to be so relaxing. Journaling and writing this newsletter also fill up my cup. There’s something about having an opportunity to create instead of consume that is nurturing to the soul.

It can be difficult to sustain strong male friendships in your forties. Most of my friends are in a similar state of life; they’re married and have young children, and getting together with the boys becomes less of a priority when you are not intentional about it. I help organize a monthly fellowship night, where a few men from the parish get together for drinks and cigars. It’s a nice opportunity to hang out with other men of faith in a relaxed environment. I also try to meet one-on-one with a couple of friends every month to give them my full attention in conversation, since this is sometimes difficult to do in a group.

Something that has been a game-changer for me has been seeking out mentors. I try to have lunch once a month with my daughter’s godfather, a brilliant man and deacon in the Diocese of Phoenix. We talk about life and faith, and he always has some wisdom to share. I’ve also been seeing a spiritual director since October of last year. I meet with him every six weeks or so, and discuss what I think God is telling me through prayer, a kind of accompaniment.

I understand that there will be times when we feel like we have nothing else to give. We’ve all been there, I’m sure. Before it happens again, ask yourself: what fills my cup? And take action, don’t wait until you’re running on fumes. Don’t wait until the gas light turns on to go to the gas station. A stitch in time saves nine.

Acts of Charity

I wondered if almsgiving involved more than monetarily supporting those in need. The Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC), in paragraph 2462, says that almsgiving is the act of donating money or goods to the poor or performing other acts of charity.

My next question was, what constitutes an act of charity? Acts of charity encompass corporal and spiritual works of mercy. The former addresses physical needs, and the latter spiritual and emotional needs. Two spiritual works of mercy stood out.

Bearing wrongs patiently

As a father of four young children, the good Lord gives me abundant opportunities to grow in patience. I believe that this is a universal virtue for parents. The last time I went to confession, my spiritual director, who happened to be in the Navy before he became a priest, told me about luffing. Luffing is when the sail of a boat becomes too loose and turns into a flag. He told me that for the inexperienced sailor, this may be a stressful situation; it is loud and can be chaotic, the rope may be swinging from side to side, and the flapping can be intense. But an experienced sailor can remain calm amidst the chaos, grab the rope, put it in the winch, and crank it until the sail catches wind again and the boat moves forward.

This was an excellent example to remember the next time one of my four tiny sails is flapping. I can’t run around like my hair is on fire; that doesn’t help. I can’t fight chaos with chaos. The times I’ve matched the level of craziness around, the results have been catastrophic, and I end up apologizing and trying to mend the relationship. I’m the adult, for crying out loud. I’m the one who should have a grip on their emotions.

It made me happy to know that my efforts to be a calming influence in my family are a spiritual work of mercy I can extend to my loved ones. Mrs. Cantu half-jokingly says I’m the Cantu women charmer because I can de-escalate situations where either she or our daughter is at a level 10 and bring them back to level 3.

Praying for the living and the dead

Sometimes, when I can’t remember all the prayer intentions I should be praying for, I say a blanket statement like: “For all the people who have asked me to pray for them.” This may be a lazy way to get everyone clumped into my intentions, yet I think it is effective. However, I’m trying to get better at praying for specific intentions, one at a time.

It could be simple, like saying a few Hail Marys right then and there for a person who has asked for prayer, or something more elaborate, such as offering my communion or holy hour for a specific intention. I’m trying to be a man of prayer, and sometimes praying for others is a nice way to get me to pray, not going to lie.

A fellow parishioner asked me a while ago to pray for his health. I hadn’t seen him in a while, so I texted him and asked how he was doing. I was happy to find out he’s doing better, yet he asked me to continue to pray for his intentions. A friend told me he’s having minor surgery, so I asked him for the date of the surgery so I could pray for him then. A college friend’s father-in-law passed away, and wrote a small prayer in our chat group. These are all small things I can do for them, it doesn’t take long, and people seem to react positively when they know someone has been praying for them.

I frequently receive God’s mercy via the sacrament of reconciliation, so it makes sense to me to extend mercy to others and be His instrument.

Written in the Dirt

Christ and the Woman Taken in Adultery by Pieter Perret

The gospel this Sunday is John 8:1-11, where the scribes and the Pharisees bring the woman caught in adultery to Jesus, tell Him that the law of Moses says that she should be stoned, and ask Him, “What do you say”? Jesus bent down and started writing with His finger in the dirt. They kept asking, so He got up and said, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” He bent down again and continued writing, then the accusers slowly started leaving, beginning with the elders.

What did Jesus write in the dirt!? Well, I listened to this episode of The Jeff Cavins Show and learned that Remez is a style of teaching, a technique that rabbis use to hint at scripture. This will become relevant in a minute, hold on to that piece of information.

We also need context; we can get that from John chapter 7. In John 7:37-39, we read that on the last day of the feast of Tabernacles, Jesus proclaimed: “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me, and let the one who believes in me drink. As the scripture has said, ‘Out of the believer’s heart shall flow rivers of living water.’”

In John 7:40-44, some people said that Jesus was the Christ, while others asked if the Messiah would come from Galilee. The people were divided; they wanted to arrest Him, yet they didn’t.

In John 7:45-53, the Pharisees and the chief priests ask the officers why they didn’t arrest Jesus, to which they reply: “No man ever spoke like this man!” The Pharisees and Nicodemus argue, and everyone goes to their homes.

John chapter 8 begins with the scribes and the Pharisees trying to shame this woman. We know that He doesn’t answer their accusations, starts writing in the dirt, admonishes them, continues writing, and the accusers leave.

Mr. Cavins explains that Jesus was hinting at Jeremiah 17:13, “O Lord, the hope of Israel, all who forsake thee shall be put to shame; those who turn away from thee shall be written in the earth, for they have forsaken the Lord, the fountain of living water.” This verse is related to Judah’s shame because of their own unfaithfulness, and Jesus was writing their names in the dirt, starting with the elders.

Then we get this beautiful interaction at the end: “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin any more.”

St. John Paul II said that shame is what you experience when what is supposed to be private becomes public. Shame can be helpful in keeping us out of trouble and on the narrow path. However, it can also weigh us down. Jesus wants to set you free from shame. Jesus wants you to encounter Him, alone, so He can tell you: ”I don’t condemn you, go and sin no more.”

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