Hello friends! This is Peregrino, a newsletter about the journey. You’re about to read essay #27 of “40 Before 40,” a memoir I intend to finish before I enter midlife.
Today’s piece is a tad existential, so please bear with me. This could be attributed to the pipe smoking I’ve been doing or the fact that I’m getting closer and closer to my birthday, and I really need to step up my game if I want to wrap up all forty essays before Christmas. In either case, I hope you enjoy this piece. Peace!
And to all the new subscribers, it’s good to have you. I think you’re going to like it here.
My original vision for Peregrino was simple: I am nothing but a beggar telling you where I got bread. What has been taking shape as “40 Before 40” is a time of reflection, of looking back and seeing where God has acted in my life. I hope my witness may help anyone reading these essays grow closer to God by being a companion in your walk of faith. I’ll let you be the judge of that.
Then I read paragraph 302 of The Catechism of the Catholic Church, which says: “Creation has its own goodness and proper perfection, but it did not spring forth complete from the hands of the Creator. The universe was created "in a state of journeying" (in statu viae) toward an ultimate perfection yet to be attained, to which God has destined it.”
I started thinking about man, created in the image and likeness of God, the highest form of God’s creation, endowed with intellect and free will, yet incomplete. I can see how my journey towards being complete has led me to where I am now. I stumbled and fell too many times to count. As country singer Johnny Lee would say, I was lookin’ for love in all the wrong places. But eventually, things started to fall into place to put me on the right track.
2004 Tony Award winner for Best Musical, Avenue Q—think Sesame Street but for adults—has a song called “Purpose,” where Princeton, the main character, sings: “Purpose: it's that little flame that lights a fire under your ass. Purpose: it keeps you going strong, like a car with a full tank of gas. Everyone else has a purpose, so what’s mine?” I used to sing that song at the top of my lungs, hoping to receive an answer from the universe—this was before I came back to the Church.
Purpose got intermingled with vocation, a call from God. In my case, I felt called to be a husband and a father. This particular state or way of life is part of God’s plan for my sanctification and salvation. For my Protestant brothers and sisters, I believe that I have been saved, I am being saved, and I hope to be saved. Let me know if anyone is interested in me going into more detail about this.
Wrapping my mind around the universe being created in a state of journeying has been challenging. It has been humbling as well. We’re in a constantly expanding universe, in a galaxy that is one out of two trillion in the observable universe. Then, a solar system with a planet far enough to support life without burning or freezing. If that doesn’t blow your mind, I don’t know what will. I am a carbon spec on top of a planet floating through space. I am nothing.
I am journeying toward an ultimate perfection yet to be attained, to which God has destined it. I’m trying to cooperate with God’s will, but I know I will deviate from His plan, even if slightly. Still, I’m sure He’ll use those detours for my good. I used to say, “I’m aiming for purgatory,” but things will not be good if I miss that shot. Now, I’m aiming for heaven; if I fall short, purgatory is right there.
I know I won’t attain ultimate perfection on this side of the veil, but there are things I can do to get closer to the goal. And this is when the words of Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI ring in my head: “The world offers you comfort. But you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.” In order words, practicing the virtue of magnanimity, being great of mind and heart, refusing to be petty, willingly facing danger, and acting toward noble purposes.
It’s all about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. It’s about being okay with the sacrifices that may come my way, the food and drink I’ll say not to while fasting, the time spent in prayer instead of doomscrolling, the time spent with family, playing with my kids, and being present. It’s about being okay with dying to self and emptying myself for the sake of others. Like grapes crushed to make wine and wheat pounded into flour to make bread so others can be fed.
It’s about the satisfaction after completing a project, an essay, or a workout. It’s about continuous learning, incremental improvement, and believing in the process. It’s about working as if everything depends on you and praying as if everything depends on God.
And this is what I mean when I say it’s about the journey.
Before you go
I have some questions for you
Has “40 Before 40” helped you in any way so far?
Do you know your purpose?
Are you a fan of The Muppets/Sesame Street?
What do you think about magnanimity?
Should “In Statu Viae” be the new ethos of Peregrino?
Who isn't a fan of the Muppets? You gotta love 'em.
I like those thoughts; I'd heard some of it put that way before, but as a convert as well, it's good to hear this again.
5. I would argue it was the Ethos you already had, you just realized it!
So many good thoughts in here. YES Peregrino has helped me! Hard to say how--but it feels like you're a few steps ahead of me on a similar journey, so it's nice to look up and see a different bit of the trail revealed.
God bless you!