I'm floored. This is the family Lucia Cantu married into, https://tejanovolunteercompany.com/jose-miguel-de-arciniega , marrying Jose Miguel's son Cristobal's son Federico. You can imagine everything went south for when Texas became a Republic, so they fled the capital (along with most people). The family has not looked up the ancestry of the Cantu family, but they had been very wealthy and educated, Lucia recalled, and ended up like everyone else in subsistence poverty our in the countryside in Elmendorf, TX.
Echoing what you said here. The marriage truly represents the God head. Both man and woman, play such a vital role in raising and reading. I’m a first time dad, my is about to be 5 months. I think about this a lot. We need to actively heal and address our own things to ensure we can be better for your children. I think modeling comes first by looking at the self.
Man. Such a beautiful read. I wish I knew men like you in my personal life. I think it really takes a village of men, mentally healthy ones, to raise better men. One thing I struggle with - how do we draw the line between raising strong yet vulnerable children and confident but not toxic? This post really is the goal behind my letters to my son.
I don't have a magic formula. However, my wife and I have discussed how we our kids to be emotionally intelligent. This is where the complementarity of the feminine and the masculine work towards making our kids whole. My wife is the heart, I'm the head. My oldest son is just like me, personality wise, and she told me to talk to my son like I would've wanted adults to talk to me when I was his age. So, little by little I've been helping my son navigate emotions and healing my own 7 year old, so to speak. As per the toxic traits, I'd say that recognizing the dignity of the human person and how we ought to uphold that should be the driving force. The catch is that we, as parents, need to model that behavior.
I had a black beret from the Pyrenees for years -- yeah, black or navy blue.
The odd thing is I never had a right of passage, but always felt I was an adult, and was treated like a fully formed citizen, being the oldest child and grandchild. I had a mentor growing up, and I'd say my editor is like a mentor to me now. Yes, thankfully I have friends and allies now, but for a time there, after moving, I didn't. Keep the essays comin'! (My ancestors were named Cantu too, perhaps we are related.)
1. Nope, never had a rite of passage. As a married man now with a daughter and a son I wish I had and want to find one for them.
2. I grew up without a father. But I had my PawPaw who was an ultimate example of a great man. And there are several others, my best friends dads, who took me under their wing like I was their own and for that I am grateful.
3. I do not currently have a mentor.
4. I have awesome friends, but none who live close to me.
5. I say black, or olive
I’ve already been thinking about writing about fatherless-ness or at least my experience of it. Don’t be surprised if I reference this post as a bright light of some kind.
Okay, I am 100% on board for strong, male relationships, and spiritual directors that guide us. However, i've grown cold to the idea of a rite of passage in the past few years. It seems like a way of almost belittling something as noble as manhood to a graduation. We never graduate manhood. It's something like virtue where we perpetually grow in it, and no single act can define us as a man so much as the culmination of all of our acts. Even more importantly, I often think of manhood as something that can be lost like a virtue. Would their be a virtue for manliness? Would that just be 'vir'tue itself???? Although rites of passage was in the title and at the start, the bulk of your essay was more about being a true man for your God, your family, and your community, so I hate being anything other than ALL IN.
I'd love your thoughts on rites of passage with respect to my concerns though. My dad always talked about instituting rites of passage for men, and we never ended up doing anything when I was becoming a man. That left a bitter taste in my mouth which I hope that you can excuse or convince me to ignore.
I think that your point is valid, however I would advocate for a rite of passage for boys to mark the BEGINNING of their journey as men. You're absolutely right, it's not a graduation, you're never done. How I envision a rite of passage for my sons would be me telling them that starting that moment I expect them to carry themselves a certain way, to grow in virtue and start discerning their vocation in a more intentional way. As for the setting, I envision something like a camping trip with a difficult hike as part of the activities.
A fellow parishioner with three boys older than mine started bringing his older soon when he turned 17 to the Phoenix Men's Conference and leaving the younger boys home. I thought this was a good approach and might copy his idea.
I did not have rites of any kind and didn't set them for my boys, who are about 50 years old now. But in their teen years I called them to pursue the marks of a grownup. The only physical indicator was that they had to beat me in arm wrestling. They thought it was a muscle contest, which is why neither one did it before age 18.
That's fantastic! Before they were teenagers and they arm wrestled you, did you let them win? I'm of the mindset of not letting my kids win so when they do it, it is because they have gotten better; whether it is at checkers, chess, or arm wrestling.
WALTHER YOU'RE SPEAKIN' MY LANGUAGE.
Does that mean I speak Scootish?
Welcome to the club!
Oh my God, the link failed to mention that Moses Austin and his son Stephen F Austin had to get permission to move into Texas from him, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jose_Miguel_de_Arciniega
I'm floored. This is the family Lucia Cantu married into, https://tejanovolunteercompany.com/jose-miguel-de-arciniega , marrying Jose Miguel's son Cristobal's son Federico. You can imagine everything went south for when Texas became a Republic, so they fled the capital (along with most people). The family has not looked up the ancestry of the Cantu family, but they had been very wealthy and educated, Lucia recalled, and ended up like everyone else in subsistence poverty our in the countryside in Elmendorf, TX.
Tejas - Texas
We had some family in the Pharr/McAllen area, so maybe?
Echoing what you said here. The marriage truly represents the God head. Both man and woman, play such a vital role in raising and reading. I’m a first time dad, my is about to be 5 months. I think about this a lot. We need to actively heal and address our own things to ensure we can be better for your children. I think modeling comes first by looking at the self.
Amen, brother. And congratulations! Is your boy sleeping through the night already?
Battling a major sleep regression currently. So it’s been an adjustment.
Oh no! Hang in there, it'll be over before you know it.
Man. Such a beautiful read. I wish I knew men like you in my personal life. I think it really takes a village of men, mentally healthy ones, to raise better men. One thing I struggle with - how do we draw the line between raising strong yet vulnerable children and confident but not toxic? This post really is the goal behind my letters to my son.
I don't have a magic formula. However, my wife and I have discussed how we our kids to be emotionally intelligent. This is where the complementarity of the feminine and the masculine work towards making our kids whole. My wife is the heart, I'm the head. My oldest son is just like me, personality wise, and she told me to talk to my son like I would've wanted adults to talk to me when I was his age. So, little by little I've been helping my son navigate emotions and healing my own 7 year old, so to speak. As per the toxic traits, I'd say that recognizing the dignity of the human person and how we ought to uphold that should be the driving force. The catch is that we, as parents, need to model that behavior.
I had a black beret from the Pyrenees for years -- yeah, black or navy blue.
The odd thing is I never had a right of passage, but always felt I was an adult, and was treated like a fully formed citizen, being the oldest child and grandchild. I had a mentor growing up, and I'd say my editor is like a mentor to me now. Yes, thankfully I have friends and allies now, but for a time there, after moving, I didn't. Keep the essays comin'! (My ancestors were named Cantu too, perhaps we are related.)
Where are your ancestors from!?
1. Nope, never had a rite of passage. As a married man now with a daughter and a son I wish I had and want to find one for them.
2. I grew up without a father. But I had my PawPaw who was an ultimate example of a great man. And there are several others, my best friends dads, who took me under their wing like I was their own and for that I am grateful.
3. I do not currently have a mentor.
4. I have awesome friends, but none who live close to me.
5. I say black, or olive
I’ve already been thinking about writing about fatherless-ness or at least my experience of it. Don’t be surprised if I reference this post as a bright light of some kind.
Thank God for Paw Paws. I'd be honored to be referenced. God Bless you, Daniel.
Okay, I am 100% on board for strong, male relationships, and spiritual directors that guide us. However, i've grown cold to the idea of a rite of passage in the past few years. It seems like a way of almost belittling something as noble as manhood to a graduation. We never graduate manhood. It's something like virtue where we perpetually grow in it, and no single act can define us as a man so much as the culmination of all of our acts. Even more importantly, I often think of manhood as something that can be lost like a virtue. Would their be a virtue for manliness? Would that just be 'vir'tue itself???? Although rites of passage was in the title and at the start, the bulk of your essay was more about being a true man for your God, your family, and your community, so I hate being anything other than ALL IN.
I'd love your thoughts on rites of passage with respect to my concerns though. My dad always talked about instituting rites of passage for men, and we never ended up doing anything when I was becoming a man. That left a bitter taste in my mouth which I hope that you can excuse or convince me to ignore.
I think that your point is valid, however I would advocate for a rite of passage for boys to mark the BEGINNING of their journey as men. You're absolutely right, it's not a graduation, you're never done. How I envision a rite of passage for my sons would be me telling them that starting that moment I expect them to carry themselves a certain way, to grow in virtue and start discerning their vocation in a more intentional way. As for the setting, I envision something like a camping trip with a difficult hike as part of the activities.
A fellow parishioner with three boys older than mine started bringing his older soon when he turned 17 to the Phoenix Men's Conference and leaving the younger boys home. I thought this was a good approach and might copy his idea.
I did not have rites of any kind and didn't set them for my boys, who are about 50 years old now. But in their teen years I called them to pursue the marks of a grownup. The only physical indicator was that they had to beat me in arm wrestling. They thought it was a muscle contest, which is why neither one did it before age 18.
That's fantastic! Before they were teenagers and they arm wrestled you, did you let them win? I'm of the mindset of not letting my kids win so when they do it, it is because they have gotten better; whether it is at checkers, chess, or arm wrestling.
They had to earn it.
Aw man! Both of those ideas sound amazing! Consider me convinced. It didn't take much.
Why is the diocese of Phoenis SO COOL?
The reason has a first and last name: Thomas Olmsted.
The effect of one good bishop is incredible. "If you are who you were supposed to be, you will set the world aflame."