Smorgasbord #58
Laid Back Type A | Good Judge | Tiki
Laid Back Type A
Diana has been reading “The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse. " She says I’m a choleric-sanguine. This category makes sense since she has described me as a laidback type A person. People with this combination of temperaments are generally energetic and enthusiastic, outgoing and comfortable in crowds, ambitious and focused on results (see Heavyweight), able to adapt while maintaining composure, and have good communication and entertainment skills. Weaknesses include impulsivity, difficulty with consistency, recklessness, and poor concentration. Accurate.
When we talked about it, I joked about how children have forced me to become more laid-back. I don’t want to say that I have lowered my expectations, but maybe I have become more of a realist than an idealist. Reality slaps me in the face every day, and I need to decide whether I want to die on a particular hill (e.g., spilled milk during breakfast) or move on.
The best way I can explain this growth is as if God is grinding away my rough edges and shaping me into what I ought to become. Pruning suckers also come to mind, getting rid of whatever isn’t going to produce fruit.
I’ve been fighting impulsivity with prudence and inconsistency with temperance. I don’t necessarily think of myself as reckless, but I sometimes have poor concentration. Self-mastery is the name of the game, which reminded me of “From Temperament to Character” by Alexandre Havard. This book was eye-opening in that he stresses that temperament does not determine goals but instead gives shape and color to human beings' efforts to flourish through mastering the habits of excellence, the virtues.
I think it’s good to know which temperament(s) you fit under, but I think it’s better to know which virtues are required to offset the traits that may cause you heartache down the road. Seeing myself as a work in progress helps. I have a goal (becoming a saint) and a way to achieve it (practicing virtue). And I think that’s enough reason for me to be laid back when necessary.
Good Judge
I’ve been thinking about justice, mercy, and fatherhood. I lean towards justice and am trying to grow in mercy, especially when disciplining my children. I don’t think I’m an authoritarian, but I’m an enforcer. I’m a firstborn, so rule-following is a big deal for me, and if my children break the rules, their actions should have consequences. I admit that I have been severe in my punishment, hence the need for a growth in mercy.
As with everything in life, balance is key. Sometimes, anger takes the best of me, and my reaction is disproportionate to the offense. Thinking about Divine Mercy, the sacrament of reconciliation, and advice from awesome priests, I’ve been trying to extend the same mercy handed to me every time I receive absolution for my sins. The sacrament of reconciliation's goal is restoring our relationship with Jesus and making things right. A continuous effort to fight sin and heal the wound that concupiscence leaves. A decision to amend my life and walk close to God out of love of Him rather than fear.
My wife and I are in charge of modeling relationships in my home. Diana allows me to be a father, and I allow her to be a mother, but if we see something in the other that could’ve been handled differently, we charitably talk about it. And, let’s be real, she has pointed out more things about my behavior than I have about hers.
One thing I’ve been doing is asking questions before deciding on a sentence or a consequence. If my three-year-old comes into the room saying that his brother hit him, I would typically go up to the offender and discipline them. Then, I would learn more about the incident and hear the other side of the story, which usually would render my ruling ineffective because the three-year-old was an offender first. I carried out a sentence without examining all the evidence.
Now, I do my best to get accounts from both sides and stay as calm as possible. I ask clarifying questions, usually in the form of: “You did this. If someone would’ve done this to you, would that be okay?” Usually, this framing of the incident helps, a good resolution is achieved, and we move on with our day. Sometimes, the offense is bigger, and the offender has to hand over privileges like screen time.
There will be times when I’m hungry, tired, or not in a state of grace, and my temper will flare up, and that’s okay; I recognize I will make mistakes. I also try to remind myself that I can always dive deep into His mercy and fill up my reserves to face the challenges that will inevitably come.
Tiki
Diana and I went to a tiki bar! We had been there before, but this time around, they had redone the whole drink menu. The story behind the menu revolves around the Yucatan peninsula, so there are many flavors and spirits from Mexico but with a tiki twist. The bar resembles the inside of a ship with portholes that show how tame or wild the waters are outside. As you can see below, we hit some rough waters.
The first drink I ordered was a Cleric & Cloud Walker, a concoction of Maker’s 46 Bourbon, aged Uruapan Charanda Rum, Amaro Montenegro, Mr. Black Coffee Liqueur, marshmallow demerara (whatever that is), lucuma, passion fruit, and chocolate covered coffee beans. I know there’s a lot going on with this drink; however, everything works together. I didn’t expect it to be so light or for the passion fruit and lucuma to work out with the coffee flavors, but they complimented each other really well. And, of course, I ate the chocolate-covered coffee beans at the end. You can’t beat a cocktail and a snack.
Even though I ordered a Cleric & Cloud Walker first, the bartender messed up and made me a Goddess of Creation, a clarified cocktail with añejo tequila, two kinds of rum, coconut, amaro, pineapple, and a rice crispy. This cocktail wasn’t on my radar but was a nice little surprise. Remember how I said you can’t beat a a cocktail and a snack? Well, you can if it’s free. Also, the rice crispy tasted like horchata [heart eyes emoji].
I ended up helping Diana finish her second drink, which was the tikiest one. Unfortunately, I didn’t take a picture of it, but imagine a glass bamboo mug with a mixture of rums, mezcal, passion fruit, strawberry, and guava with a lot of pebble ice and some pineapple fronds for garnish.
They were all excellent drinks, but I had to do it all over again; I would order drinks from the classics section (think MaiTai, Blue Hawaii, Zombie). Still, we had a great time and demolished some carne asada nachos afterward—a very successful date night.
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Sobremesa
In case you missed it, this week I published Marital Love Reflects God's Love for His People, a reflection on Ephesians 5 and Theology of the Body.
Do you know your dominant temperament(s)?
Do you have any tips on how to run a family court? Should I get a barrister wig?
What would you bring to a deserted island (top three items)?
1. Sanguine with all its glories and shortcomings. At a party - you hear me before you see me.
2. I try to figure out the situation before making a judgement. Unless it's a celebrity scandal, then I usually believe everything I read.
3. Water filter, Bible, matches
1. No clue. My formation eschewed traditional spirituality for the new age crap. I used to know my enneagram number but I have thankfully forgotten it. And they wonder why the Redemptorists are dying.
2. Get the wig. Take and post pictures!
3. My phone (in a pinch I can use it for the Divine Office and spiritual reading—if I remember to download them); my rosary; chocolate (hey, I need something to give me energy!).