Smorgasbord #84
Father’s Day | Bookshelves, plants, and generosity | Make a plan, stick to it
Father’s Day
One of the by-products of my recent visit to Mexico to say goodbye to Grandma was ample quality time with my dad. I love that man. The more time I spend with him, the more grateful I am for him being my dad. He’s a selfless man with a servant heart, who’s proud of his children and the life he has led.
Mom and Dad are in a new stage: empty nesters with no parents to care for. Dad told me he would eventually want to live with us, although I’m not sure Mom feels the same way. I think that would be fun, with its caveats. I know multigenerational living has its pros and cons. Mrs. Cantú and I have talked about it and are aware of its challenges and the fact that we may take care of our parents.
Talking to my dad, I learned the guys working for the trash collection service call him padrino, godfather, because he tips them whenever they come over to pick up the trash. Even though he’s an outgoing man, the more I’ve interacted with him, the more I realize he’s an introvert who prefers to be alone rather than in a crowd. He’s also calm under pressure, a trait I’ve inherited from him. This trait comes in handy when chaos ensues at home.
A couple of years ago, I wrote On Fatherhood, reflecting on my grandparents, my dad, and my fatherhood. I’ve been hugging my children more lately because I’ve realized how fast they’re growing, especially my four-year-old baby. I can’t help but sing Sunrise, Sunset from Fiddler on the Roof while holding them to keep the tears at bay, although it doesn’t always work.
Bookshelves, plants, and generosity
I met Mark and Cathy two years ago when we started studying at Kino. They used to live around the North Phoenix area, and when I asked them if I could carpool to class with them, they immediately said yes. After graduation, they packed most of their belongings and headed northeast to live closer to family.
Mrs. Cantú and I had been talking about getting some bookshelves for our kids' bedrooms, and I said this in passing to Mark and Cathy in the car on our way to class about a month ago. The next day, I got a few pictures of bookshelves and a message: Would you like these? I said yes, drove to their place, and loaded them into the van. They also filled a cooler with all the freezer items they wouldn’t be able to eat before they left, and let’s say we have enough stuff to make smoothies for a while.
“Would you like some plants?” we said yes. So they brought us mint, sage, basil, and a prickly pear named Darwin. “Would you like a fig tree? It’s already producing fruit.” Sure! Except we couldn’t procure a pick to get it. It didn’t matter; they delivered it to us in the U-Haul trailer, and they got to move their stuff. We’ve since named the tree Figgy Smalls.
Mrs. Cantú and I do our best to be generous and give with open hands. We believe in hand-me-downs and swapping homeschooling books, uniforms, and gear. We try to be the support system we would’ve liked to have when we were first-time parents. And now Mark and Cathy were doing that with us. They even dropped off a heavy-duty commercial steamer after they cleaned the house they vacated because they wouldn’t need it anymore.
We didn’t know the bookshelves' dimensions, but they worked great for our space. Mrs. Cantú told me that she had prayed for us to find the right bookshelves for our kids, and her prayer was answered. God cannot be outdone in generosity; this is a clear example. We’re grateful for the gifts we have received and for the opportunity to share what we have with others.
Make a plan, stick to it
This week, I sat down with Brandon from Inkle Deux and we discussed having a life plan. We tried to intersect ideas from James Clear’s Atomic Habits with living as a Catholic father and husband.
The gist is that no one drifts into holiness. Like athletes prepare for their specific sport, we must have a plan for where we want to be in the short and long term. As part of my discussion with Brandon, I created a spreadsheet (because why not?) that I thought might be a good template for you all out there trying to get more serious about your spiritual progress and grow into the best version of yourselves.
I’ll probably tweak this along the way, but it’s a good starting point to see all the plates I’m spinning right now. For example, I just noticed I don’t have a column for the physical or mental aspects, which are important as well.
Being intentional and writing it down makes it feel real, at least for me. For example, I went to the doctor today for blood work and labs as part of an annual physical exam. I’ll wait for those results and see what requires my attention. I also went to the dentist this week for the first time in a couple of years, and let’s just say I’ll be paying a significant sum for neglecting preventive care. An ounce of prevention is worth an ounce of cure and all that.
Take care of yourselves. You matter, Jesus loves you as you are, but He loves you too much to leave you there. So, let’s go and do the work.
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Sobremesa
What’s a good Father’s Day gift that’s not a tie?
Has there been a time in your life when you’ve had to practice detachment from material things? How was that experience like?
What other dimensions am I missing in my plan of life?
1. Not being a dad I can’t say from that perspective, but my dad always said the best Father’s Day gift was spending time together. I loved it too.
2. Saint Alphonsus was very big on his priests practicing detachment. In my experience life is so much better with less stuff. The price of stuff is always more than what you pay for it. I try to only acquire “needs” and not “wants.” Except books. Books are always needs.
3. I think daily spiritual reading is important, even if it’s only 10 or 15 minutes. (Not sure if you included this under personal prayer.)