Hello friends! This is Peregrino, a newsletter about the journey. You’re about to read essay #39 of “40 Before 40,” a memoir I intend to finish before I enter midlife in Q1 2024. The previous 38 essays in this series can be found here.
Athletic is not a word I would use to describe myself as a kid–or as an adult, for that matter. I was the sort of kid who would volunteer to be the goalkeeper to avoid running. I was a mild-mannered kid. I have never been in a fight, and up until recently, I saw myself as a pacifist. Then I became a husband and father, and now I have five human beings I’d kill for. I became deeply aware of my desire to protect my family and how little I know about self-defense, let alone being able to defend others.
Then I heard Dr. Jordan Peterson say that men should be capable of being monsters–a controlled monster, that made sense to me. I thought being harmless was good, but being harmless doesn’t make a good protector. Around this time, I heard this anonymous Navy seal quote: “Under pressure, you don’t rise to the occasion; you sink to the level of your training.”
At 39 years old, I decided to learn martial arts. I picked Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) mainly because my two older boys had been taking classes for over a year, and I saw the positive impact this had had on their lives. Plus, a friend described BJJ as physical chess, which is accurate. The more you learn about the game and the more you play, the better you get at both chess and BJJ. I discovered something called Old Man Jiu-Jitsu and that some practitioners are still rolling well into their 70s. This gives me about three decades to enjoy practicing the sport and learning something new. However, I must confess I was terrified to get started.
As corny as “be brave enough to be bad at something new” sounds, I think people miss out on things out of fear of sucking at something new. BJJ has presented me with many opportunities to grow in humility. As I said, I’m not athletic and was not in shape when I started. I figured taking action was better than waiting for that “perfect moment” to start.
Learning to fall was the first obstacle. I hit my head on the mat so many times while drilling takedowns that my neck was sore for days the first week. Sometimes, I would post my arm to break my fall and hurt my elbow or shoulder. It sucked, but eventually, I started incorporating break fall drills as a warm-up on the days I knew we were to review takedowns. I can’t say I look forward to practicing takedowns, but it’s not as bad as when I first started.
I’ve had to learn to breathe through the moves. Sometimes, I still hold my breath while doing specific drills, making me even more tired. Or I tense up my whole body when I don’t need to exert that much energy, which would be critical in a real fight setting. Some classmates have pointed out that I’m holding my breath, which helps me know what not to do.
The guys I have partnered with have been fantastic at offering advice and correcting my position so that I can better understand the mechanics of some moves. Guys who have been practicing BJJ for years are incredibly patient with me, a newbie, especially when they see the gears turning in my head. I start saying out loud the various steps of the particular move we’re practicing: “Baby step, bigger step, dig toes and head into the ground, lift hips, human backpack.” That was an example of me going through the process of taking the back from closed guard. Something that, for me, requires a lot of strength, concentration, and stamina. My gi is soaked by the time the class is over, which is a nice feeling.
There have also been times when I’ve had subpar training partners, which has been challenging. It made me realize that, like dancing, you need someone who can react to what you’re doing in a way that achieves flow and gracefulness to some extent. I strive to do good “bad guy” work in every class because I want others to do the same thing for me. Both of us benefit from it; there’s a level of trust when you pick a training partner that they’ll help you practice the move safely to the best of their abilities.
It’s been interesting to attend different classes and see the differences between the crowds that attend each one. The Wednesday at 6:00 AM is a mix of men between 20 and 60 years of age, primarily white belts with the occasional blue or purple belt showing up. The Thursday at 6:30 PM has a bigger, younger crowd, half men and half women. The Monday at 11:00 AM has a bunch of four stripe white belts. Out of all of these options, my favorite one has to be the 6:00 AM class. There’s something about working out in a fasted state that feels really good.
I recently completed my 20th class and earned my first stripe on my white belt. This sense of accomplishment keeps me going. Even though it can be highly uncomfortable sometimes, and I find excuses to skip a week, I always feel good when I attend class. I just need to remember why I’m doing this in the first place. This is a journey, and I can’t rush any part of it, mainly because now I’m forty, and recovery and injury prevention is my number one goal.
Sometimes, I wish I had started earlier, but I wasn’t ready to start then. The time is now, and I’m taking it one day at a time. If I were working out in my garage, I wouldn’t have had a conversation with this 50-year-old man who told me he was not in a rush to get to the next belt and to show up even when you don’t feel like showing up. The sense of community, I think, is what has kept me going. Positive peer pressure. For example, when I get an automated email saying, “We miss you,” when I haven’t been to class in two weeks.
When I’m sore, even though it is not a pleasant sensation, it is a good reminder of the effort I’m putting in. I have something to show for my work–my muscles tell me so. And the more I do something, the less it hurts afterward, and the more I can do next time. Little by little, adapt and adjust.
I hope I’ll never have to use the skills I’m learning. But if the fight picks me, I hope I’m ready to end it. Bringing Dr. Jordan Peterson back into the mix, he offers a translation of meek in Matthew 5:5 that I like a lot: Blessed are those who have weapons and know how to use them, but still keep them sheathed, they will inherit the earth. It seems counter-intuitive that the more someone knows how to fight, the less they may have to, but skills and virtue make this work.
Beyond martial arts, I think the idea of incremental progress and approaching anything from the perspective of a white belt can be helpful. Whether it is writing, cooking, programming, or what have you. We all had to start somewhere and were all newbies at some point. We can accomplish a lot with humility and willingness to put in the work. We must decide when to start and launch ourselves towards that goal. It’s never too late to start.
Peregrino is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Before you go
Do you practice a martial art?
What do you think about combat sports like MMA/UFC?
What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t?
What a beautifully written article Walther. I picked up BJJ last year at 38, so I totally resonate with your experience. I also have small family so I share the protection angle.
Very cool. I have a similar story. I've been taking Taekwondo for about 16 months now. Love it.
There is a BJJ studio in our city too, I think that will be next on my list.
Thanks for sharing. Cheers!